He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
