I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm bleeding and have questions
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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