your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
