one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I love you. Go after that dick
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
