My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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