put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
