grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
