That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
