if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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