You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
