After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
