yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
