Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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