I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
