I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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