Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
