I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
