I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
