every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
