yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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