My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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