No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
