screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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