New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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