After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
