then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
