I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
