I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
