I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
