Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
