I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
