hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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