Someone shit on the floor
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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