I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
