I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
