every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
