ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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