There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Be still, my beating vagina.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
