Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
