life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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