He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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