3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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