God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
