we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
