LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
