Im at strip club and am horny
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
