Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's official drugs can't kill me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
