I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
