Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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