my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Randomize
