is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
