Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
